temper? what temper?? [a cry for help…]

Before I had a two-year-old, I didn’t know that I had a temper.  I really did believe that I was a pretty even-keeled person who kept things under control most of the time!  (Well, except for my tears maybe, but hey…  I’m a girl!)

But now I know different.  I have a temper.  And ugly, embarrassing green-monster that comes out when my two-year-old pushes my oh-so-easy-to-push-these-days buttons!

I can’t even believe I’m telling you all this, but unfortunately I’m sure more than a few people have witnessed my ugly green monster by now and it’s time to come clean.

I guess part of me is also hoping to hear that I’m not alone.  And even more so, I’m hoping to hear that there’s hope I will one day find my old peaceful-self again!

I can’t even count on one had the times I have to give myself a time-out every day.  I snap, I yell, I glare, I want to run away…

And then I cry, I pray, I kneel… and eventually I beg forgiveness from both my Father and my son.

And they both hug me back and freely give that forgiveness, knowing full well that I will fail them again…  and loving me anyways.

Why do they forgive?  How am I even forgivable, when I fail so often?  How do I change, when these old, ugly habits are carved so deeply into my being?  Scars that keep ripping open and hurting not only me, but those around me as well??

And so I am coming to you, my readers, my family, my friends…  asking… begging… for help.  I need your advice, your thoughts, your hugs & your prayers…  I need accountability.  I need you to push me, to question me, to help me be a better person…  a better mom.

Will you do that for me?  Will you help me beat this ugly-green-monster before he gets too big to conquer??

 

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