I am going to try to fill you all in on some of what is going on, because I know there are many who have questions and we haven’t been able to communicate much on this blur of a day.
We are at Children’s right now and baby Haakon is in getting an MRI as I type this. I am trying to figure out the best way to explain everything to you all, but right now my brain is spinning and we really don’t know much of anything to tell you anyways so I will just do my best.
We came in here today to get a skin tag removed from his bottom that had become ‘problematic’. I want to say infected… swollen, covered in blisters… but it seems that it may not really be infected, just irritated. Regardless, it’s painful for him and we want it off.
Apparently that wasn’t such an easy thing to do. He was born with a slight birth defect… a ‘space’ in his lower spine, an asymmetrical gluteal cleft, and this skin ‘tag’. We don’t know how it’s all connected and we don’t know what it all means. That’s what this MRI is for.
We actually had an MRI scheduled already for March when he was a little older and stronger, but with this complication, they decided to move it up to right now. At this point it may not be a huge deal. He may be just fine. And that is our prayer.
My struggle right now is just in the MRI process itself and of course the unknown. Haakon is only 7 weeks old and 12lbs. He has to be put under full anesthesia (and therefore intubated) because he is so young and can’t lay still on his own for an MRI. We took him up to the MRI room and then they told us I couldn’t go with him.
I am not with my baby. My tiny infant boy is laying strapped to a table with tubes and wires, pumped full of medicines and I am not allowed to be with him. I have never been away from him for more than a few minutes and my heart is breaking right now. I wasn’t ready for this and it is absolutely killing me.
Today has been so difficult. We have learned nothing today and been told nothing except for repeatedly being told not to let him eat (which now has been a total of almost 12 hours since he last nursed)… ”just in case”.
Which of course means that I haven’t even been able to hold him today because every time I get near him he is reminded how hungry he is and my smell makes him even more upset. I want to hold my child. I want to nurse him and take care of him and let him know it’s all going to be OK.
I just want this day to be over.
I’m going to stop writing now, because my head is spinning and my emotions are all over the place and I can hardly remember what I’m thinking. I hope this has answered some of your questions, but I’m sure it has probably only raised more of them. Please feel free to comment here and ask and I will do my best to answer what I can!
Thank you all so much for caring, and for praying… we appreciate you!!
Oh, and I will do my best to keep filling you all in as we know more. I do have my computer with me here at the hospital, so we will be able to keep “in touch” even though our phones will probably die soon (no chargers with us… and no clothes, toiletries, etc…).