I have always wanted kids. Ever since I was a little girl, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always… a mom. “I want to be a mom.”
As I grew, I learned that I shouldn’t answer the question that way and I would make up some quick flippant response, but in my heart I always cried out “All I really want is to be a mom!”
I dreamt of my babies, my children, even to the extreme of dreams so vivid of pregnancy (and oddly enough, miscarriage) that I would wake up weeping in my bed as a teenager. I never understood my longings, but I knew they were there. And I believe they were, and are, from God.
But somewhere along this beautiful and very difficult journey of becoming exactly what I have always wanted, dreamed of, longed for… a seed of discontent was planted.