finding myself again…

I’m sitting here watching an old episode of Bones right now on Netflix, and I am watching Brennan struggle with her postpartum body, not feeling so good in her skin.

I’m watching her, nodding along, and it’s hitting home.  I know exactly how she feels.  Exactly how most of us feel after having a baby.

Just this morning, I grumpily threw on some clothes that didn’t make me feel good, and told myself I just wouldn’t take my jacket off until I got home.

Finding something to wear these days that makes me feel even halfway good in my skin is more difficult than getting 3 kids ready and out the door in under 15 minutes!

I have all of 4 outfits that feel ok enough to wear in public, and I rotate them through often.  And every time I decide to try on something different from my closet, usually only because I haven’t done laundry recently enough, I end up practically in tears.

But you know what I’ve been noticing a little more with each baby that I have carried?

It’s not my body that I am upset with.  It’s not my body that I feel uncomfortable in.

It’s the clothes I try to fit this new body of mine into.

Why do we shop and splurge even and buy ourselves cute clothes that make us feel great while we are pregnant, yet we basically punish ourselves afterwards by trying to shove our new bodies into our old clothes?

My body has done 3 amazing life-changing things in the last 4 years and yet, I keep expecting it to just forget all of that and go back to the way it was.

When I get out of the shower in the morning and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I see the work I have done.  I see the love that has poured out of me.  The pieces of my heart that are forever walking around on the outside.

I see power, strength, and yes…  I even see beauty.

But then I go to the closet and try to find something to wear for the day.

I pull on a pair of maternity jeans still, because they are the most comfortable and forgiving, and then try to find a shirt that will not make me feel horrible and yet still allow me to nurse my sweet baby with ease.

Nothing works.  Nothing fits.  And I am so so grateful that it is winter now and cold, so I can hide behind sweatshirts, sweaters and jackets.

I hate that my clothes make me feel this way.  I hate that I feel the need to punish this body of mine for what it has become, even though it has done the most beautiful and powerful things for my life.

I love my curves.  I am proud of what my body has become.  I am reminded every day when I look in the mirror of the journeys this body has carried me through and the amazing feats it has accomplished.

My body has grown three little people for goodness sake!

And yet this battle continues.  And will continue each morning (until I win the lottery that I don’t play, that is!) as I keep telling myself that I need to change.  That I need to try to be something that I was.  And that I’m not really good enough until I fit that old, unforgiving mold.

I fight that battle that we all fight.  And I don’t know where it really ends.

But I sure am looking to find that end.  I want to honor this body that has done so much for me, not punish it.

I just wish I knew how.


postpartum belly binding

Yep, you heard right.  I am going to talk to you about postpartum belly binding!  (If you are not pregnant, not going to be pregnant, or don’t know anyone who is or may be pregnant someday, please feel free to ignore this post and scroll down for some yummy recipes!)

Right now, I am pregnant with my 3rd child.  I used postpartum belly binding in the form of a Belly Bandit after both of my last pregnancies and will be happily doing so again after this baby gets here.

After baby #1, I had the Belly Bandit on by the 2nd day I was home (after all the water-weight was gone from my IV-fluids).  After baby #2, I had the Belly Bandit on within minutes of getting out of the tub where he was born!

One thing I can tell you for sure…  these things feel amazing.

Besides the claims that they bring back your shape faster (which they do, by the way… as long as you use them exactly how they are intended!), they are incredibly supportive and comfortable when your back and ab muscles are so sore and weak after a long pregnancy!

New moms in countries all around the world have been using belly binding postpartum as a cultural norm for centuries…  I think they’re pretty smart and I’m glad I found this little treasure before I had my first child!

In case you’re wondering, because I know you are, yes, belly binding will help you tremendously even if this is not your first pregnancy.  Any time you have given birth is a great time to support and tone your back and stomach muscles and bring your core back together quicker and easier!

Have you tried, or thought about trying, Postpartum Belly Binding?  Do you have any specific questions for me?

I’m very passionate about this topic, and I’d love to chat with you more about it!

*Disclaimer:  This is not a sponsored post.  I love Belly Bandit, found them on my own, have used them twice, soon to be 3 times and wanted to share how much I’ve learned with you!