this mothering stuff… it’s hard

Yep.  It’s true.  This mothering stuff…  it’s hard.  And no one likes to talk about the hard stuff.  But I’m tired of all the blind-siding I’ve been feeling, and I’d love to know you are a little more prepared for all of this than I was.

This Mothering Stuff...  It's Hard.

You know what?  I always wanted to be a mom.  It’s ALL I ever wanted, actually.

In Kindergarten, when they asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered “a mom”.  In 1st grade, same answer.  By 2nd grade, I learned my lesson (the ‘mom’ answer was not the ‘right’ answer) and I made up something different each time.  But inside, I was always shouting “a MOM!  I just want to be A MOM!!”.

And guess what?  I’m here!  I’m exactly where I have always wanted to be.  I am MOM.

That is no trivial thing.  I am beyond blessed with my not-so-little family and every day I am blown away by these little people God has entrusted me with.

I know so many people who are struggling with the longing to be parents.  And please don’t get me wrong, I feel their pain.  I feel it so deeply.  And I am in no way saying I don’t want this hard life…  I LOVE this life.  Hard, or easy, I wouldn’t change it for anything.

But I do wish I had known a tiny glimpse of how hard it would actually be.

Read More »

mothering… the hard stuff.

Today I am having one of those days.

One of those days I don’t even like to think about, let alone talk about…  The kind of days where I am counting down the minutes until bedtime, hoping I make it through in one piece.  With all my kids in one piece.

The kind of days that I feel guilty for even having, let alone talking about.

Mothering...  the hard stuff.

But I know how horrible it is to feel so completely and utterly alone in my thoughts, which is why I am going to share these with you.

Read More »

I am Mom.

I have always wanted kids.  Ever since I was a little girl, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always… a mom.  “I want to be a mom.”

As I grew, I learned that I shouldn’t answer the question that way and I would make up some quick flippant response, but in my heart I always cried out “All I really want is to be a mom!”

I dreamt of my babies, my children, even to the extreme of dreams so vivid of pregnancy (and oddly enough, miscarriage) that I would wake up weeping in my bed as a teenager.  I never understood my longings, but I knew they were there.  And I believe they were, and are, from God.


But somewhere along this beautiful and very difficult journey of becoming exactly what I have always wanted, dreamed of, longed for…  a seed of discontent was planted.

Read More »