…about my deepest thoughts and darkest secrets…
You may wonder why I choose to bare my soul in such a public way. Why I am not just writing in a journal and keeping my thoughts private and safe. Why I am so willing to let you in…
Of course it is tempting to keep these thoughts and feelings to myself! To avoid the judgements, pity and maybe even anger at how I have dealt with my postpartum depression. I am usually a very private person… with many walls. But this process is not something I can keep quiet about.
This is how I am healing. How I am processing and documenting my journey… so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come when times get tough… and maybe, hopefully, even helping someone else to know that they are not alone in this horrible struggle.
PPD, and depression in general really, is a very taboo topic for most people. No one wants to admit that their life is less than perfect, or even worse – that their life is perfect, but they can’t seem to shake the sadness.
I have a beautiful life. A husband and 3 boys that love me, family and friends who care about me… and yet I struggle with depression. I am not myself, and can hardly remember who I am. I know who I want to be, but I can’t seem to get there. I am walking through a very dark tunnel, and it’s hard to see the light.
But I know without a shadow of a doubt that light is there, and I am doing my best to get closer to it. Sometimes I feel like I am falling backwards, but other days I am inching forward, and those are the days I live for!
I want to share this journey with you because I have felt alone for so long… like there was something inherently wrong with me and no one could possibly ever understand what I am feeling. And I know now how wrong I was.
More of you than will ever admit have been down this path. If not you, then there’s a good chance someone close to you has, or will. And I want them to know that they are not alone. That I understand and that I care.